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A response ...
... I have written a couple and then discarded them as they were so wordy. Having experienced a chiild who rages and eventually was placed in a residential facility (rages which start even small can escalate to behaviors not only dangerous to himself but to you and others), I understand the feelings both of sadness, guilt and relief all at the same time.
Please know that he is in the best place possible ... 45 days may just be the beginning time needed to determine what services he will need and begin a diagnosis/treatment plan for the pain that he is experiencing ... and it is pain! Whether it's a time thing that can be treated or a life-long situation (i.e., bi-polar), this diagnosis/treatment plan will be very beneficial in your determination as to whether or not you/your family can meet these needs and from that point you make your decisions. Remember this is a pre-adoption placement and you may be able to be an important part of his life - even if you cannot finalize the "adoption" legally. Take one day at a time and be supportive of him, careful not to make any long term promises that his situation may not allow you to keep and know that the few short weeks you had and as I always say "the courage it takes to love comes from those who reach for help" will make a difference always to be felt by him. If you do proceed, be honest with yourself and his caseworker as to what he will need so those services can be incorporated into any adoption assistance awarded. Know that if you decide, especially as a single parent, that if his needs seem to be more than you can handle that too is ok and its not your fault and it takes even more courage to love by letting him go ... to a family or even a facility that can ... keeping him and not being able to can be just as detrimental to his success and future just to keep him.
Hope these words have helped and please - post - many here have encountered these decisions - some whose children have returned and some whose have not and we do understand and we do care!
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