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so my advice to that...what i've needed to do. is really step away from that and just remind myself of who i was before all this, how proud i was that i had conquered these demons...just remind yourself that you beat these issues before...surround yourself with people who validate you...and know that you aren't alone, or crazy, or regressing...alot of adoptees go through the same thing.
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What sage advice! I just felt so compelled to post and tell you that your words also ring very true to me in my situation, and I am a birthmother!
Once I finally got a physical address on my birthdaughter after 16 years of searching, I found the same demons moving in...and after I sent the initial letter, I was almost ready to hide under a rock.
All the things I THOUGHT I had dealt with came sneaking up through every little crack in my psyche and ego. I have literally buried myself in this forum...for support, validation and the security of knowing that my feelings are not unusual.
Brenda, I'm really sorry that you are having to suffer through your birthmom's emotional issues. I spent years working through my anger and confussion. I knew if there was going to be a prayer of a chance for a relationship with my daughter, I had to be as emotionally healthy as I could.
While it is true that relinquishing a child leaves scars and often unresolved feelings, it is NOT your fault, and to expect you to flourish under those circumstances is just plain wrong. It will just weigh you down and smother any good feelings you had about reuniting. Sometimes we just have to distance ourselves from the toxic people in our lives, no matter who they are.
I'm really sorry you are in pain. It is unfair.
(((HUGS)))
~Deb