[littletanzy]

My husband and I were in somewhat of a similar situation. My steppdaughter, who is now 10, believed another man was her father for the first 6 years of her life. It was because the mother did not want my husband to be the father, but instead wanted the "love of her life" to be the dad...so, she didn't even tell my husband there was a possibility it was his. Like I said, at the age of 6 rumors started flying that it was my husbands child instead of the other guys (her and my husband had dated, so there was a possibility of her being his). During a court child support hearing between this woman and the "so-called" dad, my husband interrupted and asked for a DNA test. I'm sure by now you've realized it was his.

I had been married to my husband for almost 6 years by then, so you can imagine the emotions I was going through. Needless to say, after finding out the truth, the courts put the child in her cousins' custody..(the mother at the time was dealing with an addiction and didn't have custody of any of her kids). The hard part about it was going to this 6 yr old and telling her that her dad wasn't her dad...and this total stranger was. How should we go about this? All the emotions and questions you're asking yourself...I've been there. Eventually, we decided to just tell her the truth in a manner that a 6 yr. old could understand (as far as sex, and why one was her daddy and not the other). It was amazing how much she comprehended and how easy she took it. Not to say that every child is the same way, but if you're up-front with her, and explain everything without holding back, you'd be surprised at how they deal with it. Sure there's a lot of mixed emotions, but kids deal with things in a much simpler way than adults do. We tend to look at all the minor details, whereas kids just look at the basic big picture. So, a lot of the fears you have, although well justified, will be of no concern to your daughter. Give her a chance to know the truth, and be open and honest...even if you have to ask her to forgive you for some things. I think you'll be surprise how things seem to work out when you always keep the childs feelings in mind and put them above everything else. Now, my steppdaughter has lived with us for the last 4 years. We have a wonderful relationship. Her mom is only in the picture every once in a while since she is still dealing with her "issues", but things get better every day.

As far as her real father's family...been there done that too. I wouldn't worry about it until the time comes. We have become a part of my steppdaughter's moms family, even though we didn't want to, just because that's what she wanted. We realized in order for her to have a healthy relationship with everyone she loved, we had to make a few sacrifices. It's actually worked out better than we could have ever hoped for. While this may not help much, it may ease your mind to know that someone else has felt the way you do, and you're not alone in your fears.

Good luck to you, and God Bless!!!