Hello,
I am looking for some advice and opinions on my situation. Thanks in advance.
I have been a single mom since the age of 15. I had two children, same father, never married and he disappeared over 9 years ago and never paid child support. My two children are now 13 and 12.
At the age of 24 I had another baby, a baby boy who is now 4 (will be 5 this July) . My husband and I have been married for over a year. This september, it will be our 2 year anniversary and my children love him to death. He is the truly a wonderful husband and daddy.
A little background info:
My youngest sons bio father, when i told him i was pregnant, told me that he would help out whenever he could. After that, I didn't hear from him again and he refused to give me a phone number to reach him. The reason for him not giving me a number, I found out was because he already had a pregnant live-in girlfriend.
I didn't hear from him until after I gave birth to my son. He and his girlfriend called me and asked if they could come see the baby. I said okay and they came by for a short visit. During that visit, the bio father tells me that he will sue me for custody if I don't buy our son "brand name clothing", he said he would "kick my butt" (literally) and made other crazy threats. I asked him and his gf for a phone number so that I could contact them and they refused to give me one and said that if I put in an order for child support, that they would sue for custody because he has 5 other children by different women who are all wanting child support that he is not willing to give.
I never heard from him again until a few months after when I ran into him while driving and I told him that he was not the father. I realize that was a mistake on my part but I felt cornered.
A year later, he contacts me and asks to come see our youngest son and talk rationally. I said okay. He came by with his girlfriend and we sat and talked about what we wanted to do. How he was planning on visiting etc... At this time, I made a mends with him and explained to him why I told him he wasn't the father and he said he was sorry., that he was stressed out at the time and didn't mean anything by it.
At that time, I again asked for a phone number and address so that I could contact him because I was moving. He and his girlfriend became upset, said NO and walked out. That was the last time I had heard from him.
In October of 2002 I moved out to California and married my husband and have been living here ever since. In February of this year, the bio father contacted me again. He got my phone number from my sister and he and his girlfriend yelled at me the entire conversation. He was upset that I left the state without telling him. I let him know that he gave me no choice and that I couldn't hang on to phone calls whenever he got a wild hair up his butt to care about what was going on. I have a life too and taking care of my children are what's important. I even reminded him that he refused each time we spoke to give me a phone number and address to contact him.
I tried to talk to him civilly but all he wanted to talk about was why I told him he wasn't the father, why I left the state or Florida "without his permission" and towards the end of the conversation he threatened to kill me if I ever went back to Florida. This scared me because I know he is capable of hurting people. He has a criminal record and possibly has served time in jail from what he and his gf explained to me during their visit a year after my son was born. He told me that he would be moving to New York sometime within the next 3 months.
I wished him well and hung up. The Monday following that conversation, I contacted the child support office here in California and gave them him phone number and let them know everything he said including the threat and asked them to not continue searching for him for child support.
I am not too clear on the adoption process. We are planning on hiring a lawyer to get the process started but I am very afraid that the bio father could come out to CA and follow through with his threat on me or at worse, fight for custody for my youngest son. I don't want to lose him but this is a huge fear of mine.
I did do some research and found that the bio parent would have to not have contact or supported the child in over a year in order to consider it abandonment. My question is this:
Is this situation considered abandonment eventhough he did call me 3 times in almost 5 years? He never paid child support. Never bought anything for my son - Nothing.
As far as I know, he is living in either florida or new york and i am here in california. in order for the adoption to take place, would i have to ever go to florida if he were to contest the adoption or whever it is that he's living?
The bio father for my older two children has been gone for over 9 years and i am not worried about him at all. as far as i can tell, that case would probably be considered abandonment.
Thanks for your time and help.
