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I'm a sixteen-year old adoptee who was adopted at 9 days old. My whole life I've been kind of "off" when it came to interacting with other kids. By junior high i'd learned to act comfortable around my peers but to this day, I feel like everyone is pointing and laughing at me. It's not as if I were awkaward looking either. I've done magazine modelling, so one would assume that I would feel comfortable being stared at. But I'm not. I'm attracted to attractive guys at school, and I'm very well liked by others , but I usually can't bring myself to do so much as hug a male freind. I've kissed boys before, but It's never felt like it's meant anything to me. Essentially, I've been living like a cloistered nun, avoiding social events at which I might feel awkward, and obcessing over every detail of my appearance when my freinds force me to go. Although there are no moral or religious reasons, or boundaries set by my parents that would prevent me from getting physically closer with a guy that I am attracted to, I seem to end up doing weird things to drive people away, even though I really want to do things right, and give affection to someone else. People think its very biazzre that I can survive this way, even though I am very popular as a friend and acquaintance at school. I think I'm a fun, interesting, and attractive girl, but I keep sabotaging myself!!! I did meet a guy recently who is very unique and understanding, but he got back to his old girlfreind, and told me he wanted to be freinds. I was devastated , but found that I couldn't even cry about it. I tried to go out with another guy, who is nearly as nice, just to compensate for the terrible feeling I had, but even being close to this second guy makes me nauseous. I can't explain why I hate being touched at all by people I don't trust, even if there's nothing logical that would bring me to that reaction. I feel like I've been dead from the outside in for sixteen years. I haven't cried since I was seven, even when in extreme pain. I don't know if there's a standard for crying.,but even to me it seems unhealthy. I tried therapy, and it did nothing for me, because the threapist never even mentioned that this kind of behavior corresponds with my adopted status. For me, the past few years have been very disheartening. Is there anyone who has overcome these patterns on their own accord? Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I might do?