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We adopted our daughter from the foster system and while she was a bit older, she had some similar behaviors with other placements. She went into care at 6 years and we got her when she was 11. She didn't seem to attach with the other placements and twice she was in a foster/adopt situation and after 1 1/2 years in one an 9 months in the other, the families gave her back. We talk about it now that she is 13 and she says that she could tell that they were frustrated and she wanted to be in control of her life because it was so out of control with the removal and subsequent placements. If a family wasn't going to bond then it was going to be because she decided, when in fact she could sense her impending return to the system. I think children can sense this early and really don't know how to organize the thoughts regarding it. When we took her in without even meeting her first, we did it knowing we would never give her up. She knew right away that things were different. We have had her a little over 2 years and she is the most amazing child I have aver met. None of the past issues are present and she is so completely bonded.
You have to give this little one some time and that may be longer than you thought. Imagine what they have been through, even when they are babies, they know. I could never have emotionally survived what my daughter has so I just am there with unconditional love...no matter what.
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