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I have read all the posts, and I would agree that honesty with the birth mother (and father) are so important.
What I would add, though, is keep an open mind. As you move along in the adoption process and educate yourself, your feelings and outlook might change.
We are adoptive parents and we worked with the birthparents in naming our daughter. We figured that the name 'our' birthmother gave her/our daughter was gift to be treasured.
We would have at least kept the name as a middle name, but since we liked the proposed name, we kept it as the first name. Now, when our daughter is old enough and sees her adoption order, the names will be the same. She won't be able to say, 'my name was supposed to be ... '
I think it would be great for bparents and aparents to agree on first and middle names and then have the original birth certificate match the adoption order.
We also thought ... if we had adopted an older child, their name would already come with them, so why not honour the birthmother (and bfather) and keep the name they chose. Of course we waited to hear what the name was before agreeing to keep it as a first name!
The whole idea of openness, and the ongoing visits that this implied, also scared us at first. Now we wouldn't want it any other way. Keep trying to learn and keep an open mind!
Just a thought ... I think the openness in the 20/20 show was more open than alot of adoptions. Seeing that would be very scary to any aparent who is not 100% comfortable with openness.
All the best in your adoption journey. It is an adventure, and has many highs and lows ... ALL SO worth it!
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