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Dublin,
It's tough, really. I've been there. What I found though when we finally had to set some boundaries was that Ryan's bfamily was relieved. They weren't sure how to act either, we were all kind of feeling our way around and not doing a very good job of it.
I view myself as the custodian of Ryan's relationship with his bfamily - it's my job to keep those relationships healthy and strong so that he will have the choice to either 'take the reins' and have his own relationship or not. If I don't take good care of us now, he won't have that choice later. It helps that we really like his bfamily and will likely have lifelong relationships with them whether he wants to or not.
Hang in,
Regina
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Thoughts become Words. Words become Actions. Actions become Character. Character is Everything.
"It will all be OK in the end. If it's not OK, it's not the end." - My friend Amy
"As God is my witness," Mr. Carlson insists, "I thought turkeys could fly"
Philly Area AParents Meetup! http://adoption.meetup.com/117/
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