[Wind_Rider]

Aires, you have every right to have your feelings. You are on the right track wanting to soften that up a little.

I have all confidence that in the future as you begin to discover the plight of the birthmothers in society and you also deal with your curiosities in a supportive environment you will get closer to your answers.

As an adoptee who had lived for years as a child in an environment where i wished i had never been born, there is little consellation in considering the vacuum & sink model as something worse.

This just goes to show aires304 that there is possible healing and answers for you. Dig behind the questions to rationalize and soften up your question and formulate less abrasive articulation and the Bmoms of this site will share a wealth of the realities of possible conditions at the time of the decision.

Those realities may turn your stomach even more than the scarlet sink model.

I know this because i had held inside myself toxic thoughts for years that i was thrown in a dumpster because i was deformed then i learned i was the second child placed for adoption. These are shocking at first until the associated emotions are all lined up and understood separately and distinguished on a rational model. It is a sad reality how an environment can twist a young mind with such long lasting effects.

Best of luck aries304.