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MaryG,
Keep in mind that the attitude you speak of comes from people that aren't adopted. The "you should be so grateful to your a-parents, you are so lucky to have them" thing always kind of got to me too. I didn't have a horrible childhood (normal ups and downs, huge teenage rebellion etc. but not horrible) but I always thought that if I didn't get the set of parents I did, I would have got somebody else. Let's face it, an adoptable baby is and always was a hot commodity. First, look at it as people were lined up to get ahold of you.
Secondly, what the heck would anybody else know about it. Non-adoptees know why they are allergic to shellfish or penicillin. Non-adoptees know why they wear a size 12 shoe. Non-adoptees know that cancer or heart disease run in their family. Non-adoptees know their ethnic heritage. Many adoptees don't know these things. Genetics are part of who you are. You have the right to know.
Most birth parents were only doing the best they could at the time. Yes you lost them, but they lost you too. I don't beleive the vast majority of birth parents wanted to give up their children. They were in situations that forced them to make a heart wrenching decision. Yes, you should feel a sense of loss, but remember that birth families feel that too. It's not something a lot of people on the outside can understand.
Lots of non-adoptees had bad childhoods and are not grateful to their parents. Look at it as if you have a decent explaination for your parent troubles. The fact that adoptees have something of a second chance on families can be seen as a great advantage. Try to think of yourself as lucky in some respects. Nobody knows what is good for you but you. Take care of yourself. The people that really love you will understand.
Good Luck,
LewEllen
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