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My daugter is 10 and have lived with us since she was 5 1/2. She was in her first foster home for a year before she came to live with us. She was in foster care with us for about 2 years and have been adopted for about 21/2 years. Just last month she went to go spend the weekend at her first foster mom's house and visit with her bio sibs that also live in this town. This Monday she got in a fight at daycare and had to be put in a headlock and removed to the office. I talked to her about it and she told me she has been angry eversince she left the weekend visit with her foster mom. I asked her if she wanted to live with her again and she said "no, because then I can not live with you". She also knew she was going to go for another weekend this month, but she still had lots of emotions flying around inside herself for weeks after the visit. I think our a kids will always grieve leaving a loving home. I could have become upset, insecure and selfish and just said, well this is to hard on her and we will just not do it again. Instead I chose to talk to her about her feelings of loss and that she is loved by her bio mom, first foster mom and us and that she also loves all of us. That it is OK to have emotions, but it is better to talk about it than act on it. As a foster parent I do not think it is selfish to want to reassure a child that he did not leave a home because he was bad and that you need to tell him he is still loved. Therapy is almost a must otherwise f kids will just take all those feelings and bury them. These feelings will reapear someday and it is better to deal with them now than to pretend it is not there. The fact that a telephone call caused such a sinificant behavior problem tells you that he has been supressing alot of his feelings. I think you should welcome the therapy and let the therapist help him to understand the relationships and bonds from his past and the relationships he has now on his level. An attachment therapist would be your best option.
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KS
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