|
What we did...
We adopted siblings then ages 3 and 4. I found on-going contact with the foster mom to be invaluable (although we did not have direct visits for 9 months). She was able to reassure the boys over and over again that she was happy they were with their new family, that "no" she was not going to be taking them back, that they were with us forever.
Remember, children grieve very actively and differently than adults. Yes, talking with foster mom might have brought up some grief, but that is a GOOD thing. You can be his comfort ... I would suggest things like " I bet you are missing mommy so and so" or "are you feeling angry because you cant visit mommy so and so right now" etc etc Often I would bring it up at cuddle time as I sung a made up song "Greggie is feeling angry right now, lala la la la , He is missing mommy deb right now, la la la la "
The relationship we have been able to maintain with her has been wonderful and she is like extended family. The reality also is that she was his mom for a long time. Its important to him to realize that he is lovable.
At our first visit with them - the boys were THRILLED to see her but the "parental bond" had transferred. I was actually expecting it to be ALOT harder on them and me than it was. I would compare it to visiting iwth a favorite aunt. Thrilled to see her but happy to leave as well.
|