[HappyMomAnna]

Even with the grown bios I am in charge of everything that happens when you live, "in this house." If you want to get away with something do so when I am at the store and your father is in charge because he is not as Hip to all the little things that mom controls, 'in this house."

We do play good-cop, bad-cop to some degree but dad has learned when he doesnt know the right answer he will Cell call mom or wait for her to get back, "in this house."

When the Special children moved in I was completely firm with all the rules, "in this house." And when we started there was very little flexibility about the things that go on, 'in this house."

"In this house we are nice to each other."

"In this house we do not hit, pinch, bite, or hurt each other with words or in any other way."

"In this house the parents are in charge--we fix dinner, we buy your clothes, we make sure you have what you need."

"In this house, we do not lie--steal--cheat--or sneak."

"In this house we love each other and respect each other completely."

Even with my grown children the rules are all about the HOUSE! When you grow up and pay your own rent your House can be whatever you want it to be.....

As time passes, I am able to be more flexible....there are some battles not worth fighting. I used to have a motto with my older children.....it had to do with sneaking into the Ice Cream---they believed they were getting away with it----what they didn't know is that I was letting them think they were getting away with something because I didn't want them to look for something else to get away with---better it be the ice cream then drugs and other things....

I think it is easier to become more flexible then it is to impose new rules later.... It is always easier to back off then it is to get tougher.

But, I also tend to allow cycles--periods of time where I allow more pushing or bending to see how the child will respond.... Once the child knows the rules.....you can let them hang themselves with their own rope and then snap back down and be firm for another cycle.... Trying a new method perhaps to help the kid change the problem behavior...

While I am tough I am also shocking---Like the week daddy was gone on a business trip and one night we had banana splits for dinner and a whip cream on the nose games---and then we sucked the whip cream right out of the can.....(ice cream seems to matter a lot in my home?)

Or the night when my bios were young and I told them they had to stay awake all night watching TV--because they could!

Sometimes even when we are being really firm--we can take a break and just have FUN.