[ChristyES]

My RAD son is a major control freak and so am I--lol.

He's five and I spend a great deal of time coaching him on appropriate behavior. I outline the do's and don't's in every situation.

For instance, when we go to the counselors office I have him tell me the rules for waiting in the waiting room (1)no talking to strangers (he's the type of kid that will hug a total stranger or go up to someone and sit on their lap) (2) sit next to me (3) wait for the receptionist come to the window, do not yell to her while she is with another patient. (4)no tantrums in the waiting area. I then explain to him that if any of the rules are broken, he will owe me time when we get home. I never promise a reward for good behavior but often give him a treat "just because" if we had a successful outing.

This works fairly well as long as we are having a "normal" day. His emotions are still difficult to control and sometimes he just flips out. At this point, its just good to have a sense of humor. My husband and I will sometimes rate his tantrums on a scale of 1-10. I'll say, "the one you had at the grocery store was better, there was more screaming." Or we'll offer suggestions like add more stomping or try laying on the floor like you did when you were younger. This usually irritates him enough to get him to forget what was originally upset about and the moment subsides. When we're really going for a laugh, we have a temper tantrum ourselves. He looks at us like we're the ones who are embarassing.

My all time favorite lines are "because mommy said so" and "I'm the boss". This is so counter to what I learned in all my education classes but it works for him. He needs limits and needs to know we mean business. Of course there is also lots of hugs, kisses, and snuggles and considering the difficulties our little guy was having when we first came to live with us, he is making great progress.

We eliminate a lot of fits by simply establishing firm routimes. For example, on school days, no one goes down stairs until they are dressed, hair and teeth brushed, beds made, rooms straightened, then we go downstairs feed fish, feed cats, sit at the counter eat breakfast-no toys, no TV. Natural consequence for taking too long to get dressed is no time to choose breakfast and he has to eat what mommy chooses in the car on the way to school. On Saturdays it's a treat to go downstair in PJs, play before breakfast, eat in front of the TV, etc...

Bedtime is also non-negotiable. If he goes without a fuss, he gets a shoulder ride upstairs. If he fusse, dad goes upstairs without him and he has to walk up the steps. If it takes to long, there's no time for books or he loses one of his two books for taking to long. He loves books so this is a big motivator.


Every child is an individual but a very controlled environment seems to work best for our little guy.

Christy