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It is wrong to force hugs and especially kisses. But in order to help these kids attach it is necessary for you to force them to accept being held and touched. They don't want it because it is foreign to them and scary for them to want you to touch them. Mostly when they are screaming it is for control. It makes them feel in control to "make" you get made (or stressed or exasperated etc.) Control is everything when you have had so much go on in your life that is beyond your control. Never let them see you sweat, it makes them think you are not strong enough to protect them, because if you are not strong enough to make them behave..... Keep doing what you are doing and practice fake it til you make it to find oppourtunities to touch. Simon says and follow the leader are great games to let them know that following your requests is not a bad thing. Anything that causes them to make eye contact is great too. Good luck, it will get better. That thing they do with making you look like a fool for saying they have issues is cute too isn't it?? Think of it as them trying to make you jealous, that's how I got through it. I also got a video camers and made tapes for the Drs and social workers, because they NEVER got to see the real thing.
Rhonda
Mom of Steven and Darlene (5 and 7)
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