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I agree with the other postings. You have to do what feels right for you. My amom also was very uncomfortable with the idea of me searching for my bmother the few times I mentioned it. I put it off, because I didn't want to hurt her, and I didn't feel any overpowering need to know more, or meet my bmother, so it just didn't seem to be worth the pain and conflict.
One conversation we had really helped, though. Shortly after my 3rd daughter was born, my mom and I were talking about how amazing the bond is with your children, and how you instantly feel you would gladly kill or die for this little child. I said something about how awful it would be not knowing if your child was ok, happy, needing something, and how, as a mom, I couldn't even imagine how that must feel. I told her that sometimes I felt so grateful for the family that I had, that I owed it to my bmother to make contact, tell her I understand, that she did the right thing for me, and that I was well and happy. You could see the flash of relief (that it wasn't because I didn't love my amom enough) and resignation go across her face. Then she told me, quietly, about my bmother having picked out a name for me, and giving me a tiny cross when she left the hospital. I think that was her quiet and loving way of telling me she understood, and I should go for it if I thought I needed to. So, I am. But I think she's still a little worried, so I don't really talk to her about the search much. Someday, if I find my b-mom, of course we'll have to deal with all this again, though.
Of course you should try to ease your amom's worries and fears. But in the end, you have to do what's best for you, and hope she'll understand.
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