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Last time the Bmom came was January, we hadn't told her about the assault yet, call it cowerdice. Mostly I was pretty involved in the kids and my parents and all I just didn't want to tackle her. She has a lot of problems, mostly stemming from being a user for 25 years, alcohol, illegal drugs and prescription. So she flipped out when we told her and didn't make contact with the boys for a couple days even though we knew she wouldn't be in town for long. Then I caught wind from my mother-in-law that she (the Bmom) was going to just see the non-offending son. Well I couldn't let that happen. As much as the older one has hurt us, it would have destroyed him to be rejected by her that way. Although we don't know yet why he did what he did, it's reasonable to understand that he has love and hate for her, he has love and hate for me, and he has at least hate for my daughter. So at my insistance she did see both boys for a few hours last time she was here (she was here for a week).
Here it is day 3 of the new visit and we haven't heard from her yet. I can understand that I think she feels both guilt and distaste and love and anger. So do I. I've tried to tell her though that if my husband and I can stand by him, then she can. We've been hurt worse by this.
As far as seeing friends, his assessment declares him not to be a danger to others, which is why he's in outpatient treatment. Every time he's earned privledges he's blown it with behavior problems. He's just getting to a place where we think he can see his friends again, at their house if parents are going to be around. If he blows it again though by misbehaving, he will likely be looking at RTC.
As far as the letter you received, I would find that very disconcerting. Are these things he wanted to say at the meeting with you or are these things his counselor thought he should say? Does he know what he's saying and believes it? I'd ask. It's very manipulative to have him following someone who wants him to do good without knowing if he has the capability to do good. That's something I often feel like we're going through.
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