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First let me say that a child adopted or biological should always be the first priority in their parents lives. The best interest of the child should always be the basis for every decision.
I however think adoptive parents are held to a higher standard sometimes ( and I am not even saying by anyone on this forum) in their desire to have children. I adopted because I wanted a child, I was driven to parent, just like most parents biological or adoptive. I had no alturistic ideals of saving a child, I didn't seriously consider waiting children, I wanted a baby. I didn't care about the baby's heritage or anything else, but I was intimidated at the thought of parenting an older child. At least with a baby we were both starting out from the beginning.
We went through a non-profit agency where the fees were $2000, so I don't feel like only the wealthy were allowed to adopt in our case. This pittance helped all 4 of us in counseling before the adoption and for the last 13 years. One of the sw has retired and still opens her heart to all of us, and works towards our daughter's happiness.
This child was not created for me or my needs to parent, her birthparents were looking for a home and family for her. They choose me- putting their child first. When they choose me I began to put their child, my child first. Her well being and happiness is the touchstone we use to make all our decisions. Her adoption makes it so all four of us have extra responsiblity as parents to sustain relationships with each other. We believe this is in her best interest.
My last child was added to our family not out of our needs, but his. I didn't look for him, was overwhelmed at the possiblity of parenting another child and all the complications that came with him, however, we saw we were his best option, if not only. It took me longer to feel like his mother, but I kept building this relationship because it was in his best interest. We are also trying to forge a relationship with his birth family.
The end result is the same for both these kids, and my 2 bios, I love these children and would do anything to give them a good life. I feel really honored that my life led me to being part of the adoption experience. It has forced me outside of my comfort zone and made me grow as a person. I think my daughter's birthmom shares this. I think adoption- specifically open adoption- is a wonderful thing. Lisa
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