[Rowan]

Hi

From a birth mothers perspective,

I am sorry to sound harsh but I did not place my child so that a childless couple could benefit, I know it is the logic that is commonly used :- "you did so well, you should feel good about it...you gave a childless couple the chance to have a child etc..." I am sorry - but I did not and I would not dream of it, although I am happy that they have the chance to be happy and who am I to deny that to anyone - but lets face it, not many folk have a baby to give away to others so that they can in turn be happy.


(Don't get me wrong, I have the utmost respect for the adoptive parents of my child although I have never met them, I think that they are so lucky and I am so grateful for their care of my son although I have yet to know who they are etc... I would ike to ba able to thank them. I am happy for them that they could have him and that they did have the opportunity of having a child).

However, if there was any way I could have kept my child with me and have been able to give him the life that he deserved - I would have.

Not many birthparents in their right mind would give their chidren to others to raise if they did not feel it was absolutely crucial or necessary for the child's benefit.

It certainly was not for my own benefit I can assure you, I have spent half my life without the most preciious person who ever touched my life and I do not have any clue of what became of him. Yes, in my more selfish moments I truly truly wish he was with me no matter what sort of mess we were in at the time.

During the time I knew that the adoption was really going to happen and there was no way back - my first instinct was to take my child and run and run and never stop. Despite all this I kept my head somehow and tried to do my best for him and his life and it was the only thing that carried me through it.

As somone said in an earlier post : the child comes first then the aparents are secondary (which is undesputable and will always be my view or I would not be in this position now visiting adoption sites), - do you really think the selfish part of me wants to come a very poor last in that line? Do you think that facing the fact that I may never set eyes on my child again ever or never even know if he is ok - is something that anyone would put themselves through if they did not have to consider their child's happiness foremost?

So in answer to the question - yes - the child's best interests should the only real reasons for adoption whether the adoption is forced or deliberate. From a large percentage of bmothers point of view - it is and can only be 'the only reason why'.