Riley,

I think we are coming from the same place. In all of it ...it is the child first...if parents just want a token child , then it is not about the child but their own selfishness...But if parents are adopting (or bearing) children because they want to put that child at the center of their lives and bring them up to be well adjusted adults(or attempt to anyway...the best laid plans CAN go aray)...enjoy them for who they are, not what you want them to be....then all is well. I think thats what you are saying and thats definitly what I mean!!