[riley6]

Ok, I think I'll use an example to get my point across. Forgive me if I still fail, although I think some of you do get it, but I'm REALLY tired. Worked 9 hours and had a RAGING child for a couple hours after dinner. I should be in bed, but I need my fix (boards) first. How pathetic am I?

Here it goes, say you have a beautiful little child available for adoption, for what ever reasons. You only want what's best for him.

Over here you have a wonderful family, two loving parents, a couple more beautiful children, a friendly dog, throw in a picket fence. This is the "perfect" family for any child to grow up into. The only problem is that they don't want another child.

See why it's not just about the child, it's also about the pap's and the family? They have to WANT to be parents to another child. They have to WANT to parent a child who isn't biologically related to them. The pap's have to WANT to go through the process to adopt the child. The pap's have to WANT to be educated about the needs of a child not born to them. The pap's have to have enough love in their hearts that they will treat this child no differently than if the child was born to them.

This is what I mean about adoption not JUST being about the child. We HAVE to care about the ap's too. We have to support them, just as much as we want to support the adopted person, bc it's going to affect HOW the child is raised.

Cricket said, adoption started out being about finding a family for a child. It's now about finding a child for a family. There are so many families who are out there who COULD adopt a child, but don't. And some of them, although they are wonderful loving homes, shouldn't, bc they don't have that desire to adopt and wouldn't have the unconditional love to give to "any" child.

A person shouldn't have to choose adoption only to provide a loving home for a child. A person should be able to adopt bc that child will fulfill a need for that person to be a parent. I did that for my dad. My biomom didn't have me to fulfill a need to be a parent. She had kids bc my dad wanted her to have kids. NEVER a good reason to become a parent. My dad WANTED to be a parent. What a GREAT reason to want to adopt! My kids fulfill a need in me to be a parent, and in turn I do what a parent is supposed to do, love, cherish, protect, and guide my kids.

That's not to say there aren't wrong reasons to want a child to fulfill your life. If my life was empty and I expected a child to fulfill that void, it would be wrong to adopt. If all my friends were having kids and I wanted to fit in and needed a child to fulfill that missing person in my life, that would be wrong. If I wanted a cute little token to fulfill me getting attention when I went out, that would be wrong. If I could never make it in sports, music, school, or other area in my life and thought a child could fulfill that missing part, that would be absolutely the wrong reason to adopt a child.

But if my life is great and I'm missing that special little someone to share it with, or my life is already fulfilled, but I have so much extra love and devotion to give to someone, why can't I selfishly choose a child to adopt and commit to? And in that case, adoption isn't about the child (bc there is NO child), it's about the pap and their needs. IMO, that's ok.