[St.Ives]

i think i agree with dpen. but then maybe im just biased because im an adoptee. i think the childrens needs must come first. i think if the adults dont make the childs need the top priorety then sometimes there own needs -the adults i mean- might conflict with the childs needs.
like maybe a birthmother cant afford to provide for a child financally. but she wants to raise her child anyway. she feels she NEEDS to keep her child with her. in this case it is importent that she look beyond her own needs and wants and do what is best for the child, which is relenquishment if she cant afford to provide.
adoptive parents sometimes might not want or need the birthfamily in there life -- im talking about open adoption here-- but it is importent that they set there own wants and needs aside and realize that it is in the childs best intrest to know his or her biological family. in a closed adption, the adoptive parents might not want the child to search or reunite. they might NEED the child not to. but again even though the child is grown up, many adoptive parents will put the childs needs ahead of there own and suport them in there search for biofamily. if parents are adopting because they need somthing from the child, i think that might be a mistake. because there is no telling what kind of person the child will be in five or ten years. maybe not what you expected or needed. then what?
i also agree in a way with the original post though-- that all parents usualy have chldren for partly selfish reasons. but many parents bio or adoptive end up disapointed when there children do not fill there needs or meet there expectations.