[Archive]

My husband and I have two children we adopted as older kids.
Our oldest daughter had a very hard time calling us "Mom & Dad" for months after she first moved here. We talked with her and gave her several options of what she could call us, but we also let her know that we hoped that someday she would come to think of us as her mom & dad. Months before the adoption was finallized she started calling us "Mama and Dad" on her own. Our younger child called us by our first names for only a couple of weeks before she too started calling us by the names her new sister had chosen for us.

I believe the fact that we maintain some contact with our kids previous foster parents and open adoptions with the "safe" members of their birthfamilies has helped the girls adjust. Our oldest(now 16) still maintains contact with her former foster family by phone & E-mail, but she is very clear about who her family is and is secure in the knowledge that all the adults in her world care about her and will work together to protect and love her. Our younger child choses not to keep in contact with her former foster family at this time, but she has very close ties to her birthsisters and two maternal aunts who are "members of our family" in a very real and consistent way. Please accept all of your child's past and the people who have been important to them...
doing so will help the child feel that you can accept them completely too. Have a very wonderful holiday season!

Liz