[Cricket8351]

Wow. I don't really want to stir up a hornets nest here but I must tell you that I am quite disturbed by many things you said in your post.

First of all I agree with manon in that your current adoption needs to be stopped immediately. There is no way you should proceed.

Second of all, I do not see how stopping visits with the SM is best for your daughter. I mean no disrespect but I think you see it as best for you...it has nothing to do with your daughter.

Open adoptions (which is what you are involved in basically) are difficult but you agreed to it. When your daughter gets older and starts questioning why she doesnt see her natural mother or why visits were discontinued how are you going to explain it? The only truthful answer I can see is that you stopped all the visits because you felt threatened, insecure, and uncomfortable by the contact.

The fact of the matter is that your daughter does have and will always have another mother. Just the same as my daughter does and will always. I had to come to terms with that before we decided to adopt and you will too unless you try to pretend and cause your daughter a lifetime of difficulties. If you don't believe me, take a look at the books, websites, boards, and chat rooms where adoptees speak up about this very issue. See how they feel about it now. It never works.

Thirdly, have you and your husband considered marital counseling? It really sounds like there is a break down of communication and unless you both work through it bringing another child into your family will only cause you more heartache.

Please don't misunderstand me. I am not attacking or trying to insult you in anyway. That is not my intent at all. Your post just sent up lots of red flags in my opinion.

I do wish you and your family the very best.

Sincerely,
Cricket