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Old 04-03-2004, 10:26 PM
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lucyjoy lucyjoy is offline
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I would second the RAD research.

Don't put to many things in her room until she's able to take care of them. It is very hard to have to take things away and much better to be able to give things.

Don't give any warnings. Once a rule is given, she may feel the need to test you by breaking it. It is important to pass these test.

Natural consequences are best. For stealing-restitution, repeated stealing-line of sight supervision.

Disrespect-early bedtime to rest mom's ears, loss of privledges.

Make sure rules are simple and clear.

Be sure the therapist you choose is familiar with adopted children and attachment.

Since she likes to play dumb, don't assume she knows anything. If her chore is to vacuum, teach her how you want it done. Show her how to set the alarm clock.

As for the Name change, I wouldn't be to quick to do anything for two reasons: first, she may assume changing her name will change her and erase anything bad in her life. Second, that's too much control for a young child to have at this point , especially one with the behaviors you described.

I'd recommend reading Adopting/Parenting the Hurt Child by Greg Keck and Regina Kupecky and Cline and Faye's Parenting With Love and Logic, and Nancy Thomas When Love is Not Enough.

Hope everything goes well.
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