Nicole,
You are significantly younger than I am -- 20 years older
-- and I think things today are a whole different ballgame than they were back in my day....God, I feel
ancient all of the sudden!
I am an
enormous advocate of honesty....and the lack thereof in my a-family, with regard to my adoption is the
reason I am so adament
about being open and honest.
Having said that, however, I will tell you that I have, in the last year and a half, located my entire maternal birthfamily, living in the
same community that both my parents and myself live in, and I have never said a word.
My parents are in their 70's. I was adopted during the height of the secrets and lies era of adoption, and I can honestly say that I have never even
heard my parents
say the word "birthmother", in almost 40 years. They made it clear to me, even as a small child that they wanted nothing to do with discussions of my "origins". They proclaimed time and time again that they had no information about "her" (meaning my birthmother), which I found out last year was a total lie. Clearly, they are uncomfortable (to the point of paranoia) about the entire deal, and I see no reason to clue them in to the fact that not only do I
KNOW my birthfamily, but they are
LIVING HERE !!! I would have to call the paramedics to have them on stand-by if I told them that my birthmom's sister wallpapered their whole house a few years ago!!!
I have a good friend of mine, who is also adopted -- also in the 60's. She witnessed what happened when her adopted sister located
her birthparents -- her parents came unglued -- so when she reunited with
her birthmom, she kept the situation from her parents for over a year before she finally told them. Her birthmom was coming for a visit, and her parents had recently moved to the same area, so she thought she would share the occasion with them. It was her fondest wish to have her parents meet her birthmom, and it seemed like good timing. When she told them, they were
awful! They refused to meet with the woman....never inquired about the visit....and have never mentioned the revelation again.
It's hard to explain, but things back then were different. AParents were advised that "knowing too much" would be psychologically harmful to adoptees and that they should be raised as if nothing had ever happened. It's hard to change that kind of mindset.
Since you are so young, I would imagine that your parents would be more "enlightened" and more "accepting". If you want to share the search with them, I suggest you do so....you know what is in your heart, and you know what feels best to you.
I know it's hard....BOY.....do I know!
Take your time and when you feel the time is right, you will know. It's not something you have to rush!
Hugs,
Sally