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We had the same problem with the focus on reunification. It really weighed on me a lot. I finially had an epiphany in December and realized that even if they put a gold star on his forhead, it just wouldn't be right for my daughter to live in fear. I still love him and we support him, but it just wouldn't be right. So then I had to tell everyone, and honestly I havne't told him. But I told my husband, he doesn't distinctly agree but he won't argue the point with me. And I had to tell my parent, who he's staying with during outpatient treatment. And I had to tell his shrink and probation officer. It wasn't easy and Like I said, I haven't told him. Honestly he's doing so poorly on probation that its a mute point, he's no where close to a clarification meeting or reunification planning. We are likly looking at residential treatment. But he's had so many people let him down in life, I don't want to be one of those people so I really want to put off the reunification discussionn until it's an actual issue. He's only 15 so we still have a responsibility for 3 more years.
There is a lot of guilt and shame being the parent of an offender. I know we haven't told several of our closest friends, we don't want our children labeled, we don't want to be "that family". He also has a brother that we're legal guardians of as well, and he's really hurting by this, in their messed up lives, they've always had each other, even when the rest of the world foresaked them, and now they are apart. It's just a difficult row to hoe.
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