[roche]

Boy, that was original, wasn't it?

Anyway, I read this post with interest as I am half-Korean adopted by cc parents, and I have siblings adopted from Cambodia, Korea, Bolivia, Russia and I also have a few AA adopted siblings. We lived near Seattle, WA for several years, and then my family moved to East Coast to live for 10 years (in a predominately white neighborhood) and now they live West again (again in a white neighborhood).

I don't want to respond to judge anyone; I merely want to share some of my family's experiences. But at the same time, I accept that everyone has different comfort levels --- because everyone is different and has differnt comfort levels about various issues. But, also, sometimes going out of our comfort level helps us to grow? No matter what the comfort level is about.

As far as race issues and affects on the adopted child - I think that the child's ability to deal with being a different race from birthparents/family will be totally different based on that individual. Even if they are adopted within the SAME family with different cultures/races - each child's adjustment and ability to "deal" with the differences will be different.

For example, I have two other siblings who are full Korean. My brother is in 30's and has an amiable personality; he has ALWAYS had girlfriends (mainly cc). He is pretty happy and well adjusted. I have never heard him even mention race as an issue. I think he is pretty secure and happy with himself.

On the other hand, I have a sister (same age as brother) who has dated just a little, and she claims that she is unmarried and does not date because she is Korean. She has a real chip on her shoulder because she is not cc and doesn't get asked out on dates much. Ten years ago, she lived in a predominately white neighborhood in the west. She got a job offer back east and was excited at the thought of meeting people from different backgrounds who were more "tolerant" of different races. She felt she would date more in a more diversified area. Well, she has lived there for ten years, and she has stated she is unhappy because she says she rarely gets asked out. She feels it is because she is Korean - STILL! Personally, I think that she is not getting asked out because she is extremely smart, and she knows she is smart, and she intimidates other people - male and female. She tends to be very bossy and abrupt with people. I don't feel her lack of dating has anything to do with her race. SHE has made it an issue.

Also, I have an AA brother who is 16 and an AA brother who is 15. Lots of cc girls have had crushes on the 16 year old. He is good looking and fairly outgoing. My 15 year old brother is more reserved and shy in public. Also good looking. Do girls not like him because he is AA? No, it is because he is shyer than the 16 year old. I supposed he could make race the issue.

It's like twins -- they look the same. Same hair, eyes, height, weight. Why does one twin get asked out a lot and one hardly ever? I think part of it is shyness and lack of confidence?

Also, anytime you are different, no matter what, people are going to sometimes be cruel. I have been ridiculed/ teased for being adopted, for being half-Korean, for being a Mormon, and guess what? I have never resented being adopted by a cc family. I am proud of being different. I am proud of my Asian background, I love being a member of my church, and I would never change the fact that I was adopted by my cc parents.

Another comment: I have had many people comment to me that "it would be unfair to the child to be adopted by a cc family or different race." You know what I think is unfair? I think it is unfair that my two little AA brothers were born in a slum in Chicago and that if they hadn't been adopted by my cc mother they would have been raised in poverty and neglect and abuse, not have had an education, not have known what it is like to be raised in a happy family. THAT'S what I think is unfair. And I think they would be willing to sacrifice the risk of not having a date to the prom in a predominately white neighborhood versus the risk of being a drug runner by the age of 6 or 7 years old.

Recently, a cc teenager called my 16 year old brother a ****** at school. Understandably, my brother was very upset. You know what? It doesn't matter what race our adopted parents are.

If a cc boy is going to call an AA kid a ****** - he's giong to do it whether the AA boy is raised by white parents or black parents.

And as to it being "unfair" to adopt an AA kid because other cc kids will have issues with him - personally I am not too fond of segregation. I live in a predominately white neighborhood and I am thinking it will be a great idea to add a little bit of "color" to it.

People are uncomfortable with things/issues because they are unfamiliar with them. Not because they are bad people. Things that are different make people sometimes uncomfortable. So perhaps if more people were willing to be different, it would help more people realize that they don't have to be the same as everyone else to be accepted. I have a son with red hair and he gets teased a lot. I tell him to always be proud of who he is and that he should be proud of himself, no matter what.

Anyway, sorry to be so lengthy. It's just that I wanted to point out that some people will make race an issue and some won't. Like my brother and sister. And I don't mean to mention "dating" and "friends" as the main issues - it's just that I hear that a lot. So I wanted to address it.


However, I also believe that what is right for one person is not always right for another person. We are all obviously here because we care for children and we want to help them. If someone doesn't want to adopt an FAS child, or handicapped child, or older child, or a sibling group, or whatever, then that person shouldn't be made to feel like a "bad person."

I just wanted to share some expereinces - because maybe it will help someone who is considering adopting a child of another race, but perhaps they are apprehensive that they are "hurting" the child. I don't believe that giving any child from a dysfunctional background a happy and healthy home is "hurting" a child or "unfair" to them. But we all have to do what is right for our family and for ourselves. THAT is the right thing to do and only "we" can know what is right for ourselves.

Hope I made sense and didn't make anyone feel bad. Roche