[3inCO]

Both my 8 year old's birthparents and my five year old's birthmother said they wanted a semi-open adoption, with us sending pictures and letters through the agency. I have done so religiously for the past 8 years. We never heard anything from the birthparents and about six months ago included our e-mail and asked if anyone would mind a more open realationship. When we heard nothing, I called the agency and found out that nothing I had ever sent had ever been picked up by anyone. I was devastated. Especially since I always assumed that if my son's wanted more contact that we might be able to open the relationships up. Through this forum I have learned that this too is not uncommon and that many birthparents have fears and pain that I could never begin to understand. I will keep sending what is promised until the boys turn 18.

My daughter is 20 months old and we have a very open adoption with her birthmom. I do have fears that this could change as well. She is going to have another baby very soon and I wonder how this will affect our relationship. We just go along and try our best to honor our commitment to the birthparents of our children. There is a great deal of fear surrounding open adoption on many levels. I know that we constantly hear from people who have no idea what they are talking about things like "you know her birth parents? Why would you want to share her, aren't you afraid they will take her back, she will love them more etc...?" Ridiculous questions, but often from well educated, supposedly intelligent adults.

The only reason that I would ever close our adoption is if I perceived a real threat to my daughter's safety, then I would have not one moments hesitation.

Becky