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I think that it is hard as a bmom to accept that my child did not have this perfect life. That is why I relinquished because I felt that the life that I could offer him as a mother was far inferior to what he deserved. People are people and no one is perfect so I have come to accept that I expected too much. I was young when I relinquished and just assumed that if I was not to mother this child he would be placed in the hands of people who could do a most excellent job of it. Catholic Social Services, while trying to sell me down the road of adoption, assured me that my son would have a better mom than I could be at 17. It turns out that his amom is mentally ill and although she probably loves my son I do not think that she likes him very much. They had major clashes as he grew up and are not very close. Then the bmom guilt in me swells up and via "Primal Wound" I figure that it is my fault that my son and his amom do not get along. His adad, however is his favorite person in the world. He loves him and admires him as much as any child could. It helps that my son (recently turned 30) has told me that he had a wonderful life and was always pretty happy. But it hurts when I meet his friends and have been occasionally told how "creepy" and "freaky" his amother is. (The aparents will not meet me or my son's bdad). I even had to tell one friend of his to stop talking about his amom as it hurt to much to hear how abnormal she seems. I just wonder how goofy she was when Catholic Social Services was doing their screenings to place her and her husband with a child. Adoption can be so different today, but even so, people change and what may look like a good situation or person may not look that way as time passes. 70's and 80's bmoms as well as today's new bmoms just want the very best for our birth children. Anything less undermines the decision we made to relinquish.
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