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Often, you gotta throw the pareneting 101 books out the door when caring for abused and negleted kids. Most of the normal means of discipline do not work and can in fact increase the unwanted behavior. I'll see what I can find for you in the way of articles. Until than, the book you are reading is excellant. Copy the pages that refer to the problems your son is having. Also, you might contact your agency and see if they have classes, resources and such for care takers.
It sounds like your care taker is a real gem and really wants to provide a quality day care for all the children. Make sure you let her know that you appreciate her for that and ask her to become part of the team that will assist your child in overcoming his behavior problems that stem from abuse and neglect.
Everyone involved needs to remember this little guy has and is going through hell. My bet is he is not acting out due to defiance but due to fear, anxiety, sadness and uncertainty. How can the adults around him help him feel loved, safe, secure and happy?
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Often those that plant the seeds don't get to see the flower, but without them there would be no potential.
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