[Lady-C]

My grandparents had six children. When my mother at 16 got pregnent they sent her to a Home for Unwed Mothers and they moved to another state. All of this was to keep shame off of the family.

My grandparents, now deceased are my legal parents. It says so on my birth certificate. My birthmother is my legal sister, etc.
By the time I was old enough to really remember, they had all left the house. I was alone. For all purposes I was an only child.

I did grow up in a home of secrets and lies. Looking back I realize that they had come here from Germany. Maybe that was part of the reason for being so secretive. Maybe it wasn't so popular being a German back then.

My grandmother did not read or write. They dressed me funny.
They were born again Christians. They were very strict. I was only allowed to have friends from church. No movies, playing cards, on and on. We were very poor. Did not even have a car.

They didn't or couldn't give me the love that I needed. That is why I think they adopted me because they thought it was the right thing.

I was never meant to know that I was adopted. I did find out while snooping thru a desk. I was 12. I was very upset. They chose to call my birthmother to the house. She was very cold to me. "They adopted you, they are your parents" All of my life I have wanted her to acknowledge that she is my mother. She won't or can't. She is in the birthmother closet of fear and shame. She told her friends and family that she had no children. She will not back down from that. Do you believe that it still hurts me.

I have wished that I had been adopted by regular people outside of the family. As it was I had no grandparents, no real sisters or brothers, they were my aunts and uncles but they couldn't present themselves the way it really was. I'm sorry if you think I am on the pity-pot, just to show you how it was for me as an adoptee by my gparents.

When my Ma died, at the funeral the minister named each of the children, except me. I wanted to crawl underneath the floor.
She was after all the only mother I ever had. The reason this happened was that the two who made the funeral arrangements did not know that I had actually been adopted. See what I mean about secrets and lies?

I am wondering, how do you all handle all of these things? Is the birthmother going to in the future reject and not acknowledge, as mine has done? I hope not.