We have had our boys for about 6 weeks. Their behavior at home is much much improved. They have settled down tremendously and we are really getting along well. I guess I assumed they had settled down at daycare as well because they were smiling when I picked them up everyday and the babysitter, "Sue", never said a word about misbehavior.
However, yesterday when I picked them up, R. was having a temper tantrum (which happens occassionally) and I caught him hitting a boy in the face. I took him aside and talked to him and Sue watched. When I was finished she said, "You know he really does this a lot and I am very tired. Everyone else will lay down at nap, but R. screams and throws a huge fit every day."
I was really surprised because of my 2 new sons, R. is the one who has never once given me trouble about naptime or bedtime. His brother is the one who doesn't like to go to bed for me and R. uses naptime to score brownie points.
I know that Sue has a completely different style of dealing with kids and she uses positive reinforcement almost exclusively. I agree that this does have a place in training, but I think it is too much pressure on R. to be good and please. I actually think it is causing him anxiety. She randomly gives kids treats for being good and I suspect that R. often isn't being good at the right time.
At home we have a time-out chair and we talk to them after they have had time out. Then they sit for another 2 minutes to think about what we have said. We then give hugs and kisses and forget the episode. I don't use candy to enforce behavior, but I do give praise for good behavior. I actually don't give warnings for temper tantrums or hitting, etc. Discipline is immediate and consistent.
So far they have responded really well and are much much happier than they were a couple of weeks ago.
I read somewhere that only using positive reinforcement can be bad for kids who have a lot of anxiety and issues. It is just too much pressure. I told her that yesterday (since she printed off a page on positive reinforcement from the internet to give to me). I guess she thinks I am not positive enough.
Does anyone else know what I am getting at and where I can find information to help her deal with R's problems? I am reading Toddler Adoption (which is a great book!) now and it is veryifying for me that temper tantrums for R. are not like temper tantrums from a child who has not been through the trauma this little guy has. His frustration level is so much lower than most kids' and I need to help train my babysitter in these behaviors.
I am a teacher and I don't have much longer until I can be home with him every day. I can't have her quit on me right now, though. We live a really small town and she is the only babysitter with the proper credentials.
Ironically, she has never mentioned C's behavior who is more prone to misbehavior here.
Any suggestions from veterans?!
