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KB your last response
KB
Your last response makes it clear to me that you have strong feelings for your Bmom.... but that "mom" is a sacred thing for you and a role that only your Amom ever filled. That is fine. That is great actually.
It does seem that you are guarding yourself emotionally somewhat... and I think that started coming though in your last couple of posts. You have gone through such pain with your aparents and losing them and their health issues that it seems only natural to me that you would want to protect yourself from getting close to yet another person and then ultimately feel the pain of losing them again. Could that be part of it.?
I also think that you do care...and just that feeling (and all the stuff that goes with it) is REALLY SCARY... and you are already juggling a lot. You know you best.. you know how much you can handle and you seem to know that at this time you can't handle ALL that on top of ALL the other stuff. Being honest with yourself is paramount. Good job.
Your warmth and caring for the people who are your parents is hugely apparent. Your fondness for your Bmom is also apparent. One does not have to exclude the other.... and you might be able to feel both fully when your life isn't so pressured with your dad and everything else.
Tell your bmom that. Write the letter... sit on it a day or two... amend it.... get it to the point that you feel really comfortable with the message and send it. Your warmth will come through - of that I have no doubt.
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