[tobeafamily]

"I have it in my heart, mind etc...I feel it everday that this is something I should do. I don't feel it to be a rescue mission, I look at my situation of not being able to concieve a sign that I am needed this way instead of the way the majority of women become a mother. I certainly have gone through the phase that possibly not everyone is meant to mother and that is why I have not concieved but my heart tells me that I am suppose to be a mother this way......does that help you understand where I am coming from."


Yep, pretty much where I came from. That's why I tell my son he was born in my heart.


"I grew up with two girls that were adopted and they were hell on wheels and hated their adopted mothers and then I read somethings on this site and it just wore me out a little."

I can't help but wonder if this was more a factor of who they were than whether they were adopted or not. Heck, there were times I hated my mother too. Some things transcend biology.

I remember when I was about 9 or 10 we became friends with a woman who was adopted. She was in her 20's. She went on a search and found her biological family shortly after we knew her. I remember asking her why? She said it was just to 'fit a piece into the puzzle'. She loved (and still loves) her adoptive parents, she just wanted to know for herself. Her story was one of the big reasons why we chose a fully open adoption - so Ryan would never have to search for that piece of the puzzle. It would be there for him, just like my history is there for me.

When we started our search for Ryan, I was frankly amazed at some of our friends and colleagues who came out and said "I'm adopted" - Really? Perfectly healthy, well adjusted self sufficient people who don't rail against the Gods or have major issues. Some I'd known for years, yet never knew this.

I'd ask them about their experiences. Some had found their bfamily, some had no desire to look. One told me of how he would scream 'you're not my REAL mom' when he didn't get what he wanted. His mom's response 'kiddo, I'm as real as it gets'. He told me to use that for Ryan. No retort to that one in his opinion.

HTH,

Regina, AMom to Ryan Joshua Thomas