[tobeafamily]

First, remember that boards and forums like these aren't meant or intended to be representative of adoption. They are instead a place where people with issues can come and discuss them, as well as places where topics can be debated, etc. Like in other areas, people come here because adoption is an issue for them, either positive, negative, exploratory, otherwise.

I have to echo M when I say there was no deep and burning void in our lives before Ryan came. We enjoyed our lives together, strong marriage, etc. I think it was more a belief that we would be good parents. There was also something I'm sure I can't express in words, not a longing but a 'knowing' that this was the step we were to take to grow. It does indeed take risk though - you risk everything you are on the belief that everything you will become will be more.

Ryan has brought so much to my life I can't even begin to explain it - and not just through him but his birth family as well. Through having them in our lives (we are in a fully open integrated adoption) we have learned more about the power of love, of courage and determination than we ever would have without them. Besides, they're a lot of fun to have in the family. As to confusion, I can't really speak for that, he's 2 next month, but seems quite delighted to have 9 grandparents to give him hugs and spoil him.

I will say though that I'll take him being confused with his entire history rather than have him devistated by the loss of part of it. That's a choice we made knowingly and lovingly. Confusion is eradicated with education and understanding. Easier than losing a part of onself in a closed past IMHO.

I think it's important to understand motives in adoption - don't adopt to help a child or to 'rescue' someone. Going from an adult to a parent is nothing short of a metamorphosis. It should be undertaken for the same reason you would want to concieve - because you want to experience being a parent. If you want to save or rescue a child, volunteer in a family shelter, donate to children's charities, rock drug-addicted infants in hospitals. There are many other ways to fulfill that goal. Parenting isn't a 'rescue' mission, it's a life change.

IMHO, best of luck on your journey.

Regina, AMom to Ryan Joshua Thomas