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MaireG,
You are in the police database as having been arrested. There isn't any way to erase that. Some people will try to get your money and "expunge" your record - but the fact is you have no record of anything except an arrest. They cannot do anything about that.
This will show up when they do a background check. It will show up as exactly what it is - an arrest without a conviction. If you were fingerprinted or photographed, it will show up in multiple places.
You can explain it to your social worker beforehand, so it looks like you're being honest and above-board and have nothing to hide. OR, you can explain it to your social worker afterwards, so it looks like you are lying by omission, have things to hide, and make her wonder what else you won't admit to until she finds evidence of it. You are FAR more likely to be denied if you follow that second route. And once one homestudy agency denies you, it is incredibly difficult to find another that will approve you, because they will all doubt your honesty since you weren't up front with the first one.
In an earlier post you said " I feel that what happened then has nothing to do with who I am today." But the more energy and time you spend trying to deny what happened, the more you are finding your life defined by what happened. It has a lot to do with who you are today - a person so worried about the past that you can't bring yourself to be honest with others about it.
You're here, explaining this situation to a bunch of complete strangers who are telling you we understand. Yet you think a social worker wouldn't understand. Social workers are human, too. For all you know, some of us could be social workers in real life. They're not horrid beasts who want to deny everybody.
Social workers *want* people to be able to adopt. They wouldn't have jobs if people couldn't adopt. They aren't looking for perfect people - there are no such things. They're looking for decent citizens, who are honest about their pasts and what they've learned from them, and who would pose no danger to a child in their care. If you fit that description, then gather your courage, and tell your social worker about this episode that has you so concerned.
This will show up on your record no matter what kind of adoption you pursue. Explaining it ahead of time in an honest matter is quite likely to get you through it. Gather up your courage and plunge in. If you feel the need to "prove" he lied, go get the court documents where he admitted it. But you need to get past this, and the only way to do that is by going *through* this. I would be extremely surprised if you were denied because of this incident in your past, as long as the worker hears about it from you first.
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