[ChristiBender]

I am an adult adoptee... 40 years old and emotionally well balanced, now. I had some trouble in my teens and twenties... but don't most of us to some extent? We grow up, do our therapy, learn to love ourselves and get on with life.

I read this book when I was starting my final search (final because it was successful) and the book was horrible. All I could think was "Gawd... how over the top can this be?". That is how I would explain it... OVER THE TOP. She might have some good points and they might apply to a lot of people - adopted and not adopted... but they are SO far over the top it is nuts.

When I got done reading the book I thought, "My.. now I have an excuse for every crazy thing I do... every stupid thought... every helpless and pitiful behavior". This book really makes adoptees out to be the biggest victims. I don't think I was a victim. I was given a chance at a life that my birthmother thought would be better than what she could have offered me. I did have options that she couldn't have offered me. I took them.

I am not saying that her points were pointless... just WAY out of proportion. I mean the picture she paints is that of a person who can barely function... who certainly couldn't be organized and together enough to get through college or hold a steady job... who wouldn't have any idea how to be a parent... and who would be basically incapable of being balanced, healthy and self sufficient. Personally I think the lessons and trials and tribulations that were presented to me BECAUSE of my adoption have made me a deeper, more caring, more responsible, more appreciative person. And, to me, I am only a victim when I put myself in that role... not because I was doomed to it by being placed for adoption.

I have read that this book made sense to some people. I am glad it has done some good, but I hold firm to my belief that what we make of ourselves is our own responsibility and everyone has their baggage....and no one's baggage is greater or less than anyone else's... just different.