Missy M posted the following on the thread "New Thread"
http://forums.adoption.com/showthrea...569#post391569 that does relate to what you are mentioning, IMO.
Quote:
originally posted by Missy M
I will say I simply do not remember what I experienced in the womb! The smell I remember longing for was the smell I experienced long after being born, years after birth. I grew to recognize my Moms voice in time but I didn't know it before birth, nor did I know what a *voice* was, hers or otherwise. It was all noise. Its the things you experience after birth that form bonds. Mom fed me with her breast and I grew to love and expect comfort from her and her breast, BUT had she started feeidng me milk from Daddys sock, and it satisfied my hunger I could have learned to love Daddys sock. I didn't know her breast was a good thing, I learned to equate it with food. I didn't bond to her because I remembered her heartbeat, I bonded because she cared for me. I as a nurse worked with preemie's and we'd rotate every other day to prevent the babies from bonding with us. It was not my heartbeat they heard in utero, it wasn't my smell, it was simply me caring for them. The parents visited daily and they showed no more excitement at having mom present than they did at the X-ray tech.
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I think the fact that the nurses rotated to prevent the child bonding to them is interesting. I wonder if the problems that some have ~ whether adopted or not ~ is not so much that they didn't bond with bmother, but that they didn't bond with ANYONE? I was in six different care situations in the first 13 months and bonded well at the two homes I was in for the longest. I also bonded well with my aparents. Perhaps if I had been deprived of bonding with anyone during the first 13 months it may have affected me differently.
I was very glad to read your words
"I'm also soooo pleased when adoptees say that it's a load of rubbish and does not apply to them - as a birthmother - those comments give me strength that I have nto inflicted some sort of terrible trauma on my child lol Banjo." I have read other posts by bmothers that felt awful to think they had inflicted all this damage on their child.