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bummeddad -- I would suggest the first step for you would be to stop referring to this as a affair. Whether it's child abuse (if started before 18), incest (if indeed your wife is the adoptive mother), or abuse of influence, it is abuse and should be treated as such.
I'm glad to hear that you are getting counseling, and truly hope that all involved get the help they need. I agree with Anna on the government resources you need to enlist.
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