Help please
I apologize for the length of this message… We need tips on how to help our daughter who is having extreme fits of rage that last 1-2 hrs if we don’t give in. During these episodes her screams sound more like a growling animal than a child crying. She also does a strange motion like she’s hitting herself in the face repeatedly – but not hard, it’s more like brushing her hand across her face vertically.
She was abandoned at birth in Kazakhstan, we adopted her at 10 months old along w/ a boy 6 months older than her (having 2 kids has made this particularly stressful, her behavior scares her brother). The orphanage & caregivers were nice compared to other stories & pictures we’ve seen. We didn’t see any signs of severe neglect there, though we realize we don’t know the half of it.
We’ve worked hard for the 1-1/2 years we’ve been home w/ them to try & do everything “right.” We have a consistent schedule, lots & lots of time spent reading & playing, & we give them loads of hugs, kisses, eye contact, touch & attention – w/ a real consciousness to the idea of not playing favorites.
We honestly give them 100% of our attention 80% of their waking hrs. We each take one child alone for a bit on the weekends. I stay home as much as possible w/ them, working just 3 days per week. The times I’m working they are w/ their aunt in her home.
Our daughter doesn’t display many of the typical attachment disorder symptoms. She holds babies, loves animals, lets us snuggle her (in fact she demands this a lot more than our son, though it is usually on her terms & sometimes for unreasonable lengths of time). She says “I love you” unprovoked & really enjoys playing w/ other family members. The quickness & degree of anger, moodiness & stamina during outbursts is our major concerns. These are not your typical “terrible twos temper tantrums.”
So… what can we do to try & help our daughter w/ her anger & unreasonable demands? We’ve done time outs for a year when her hitting or screaming becomes unbearable. She used to sit in the same room w/ us, but lately we need to put her in her room for everyone’s sake. Now she throws things & hits walls & doors.
When we wait it out, the behavior will last 1-2 hrs. This may be wrong, but we often wait it out. We don’t want to have her controlling all of our lives & we keep thinking she’ll realize that nice behavior will get her farther in life than fits of rage – but it hasn’t been working. Before we see a therapist, do you have any tips for what we do???
Thank you so much for your help,
Dawn & Kurt
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