Can I throw in one more thing (and like Anna, I'm not being critical or defensive, just realistic) -
You said
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Actually, are not looking for a playmate for my daughter. We are looking for someone she can relate to and a 10 year old is not the right fit. We were asking for 12-14.
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Realize that a 12 -14 year old child who has lived its life in abuse and neglect, then in foster care for numerous years WILL NOT relate to your biological daughter. Neither will your daughter be able to relate to them. Their lives are just too different.
I, like Anna, ended up adopting a child very different than we began looking for. By becoming educated, we learned what we really could and could not handle. Just keep educating yourself and you will come to the right decision for your family.