[HappyMomAnna]

waiting home--I didn't mean to sound like I was scolding you or to say that you do not have an idea of the situation you might be facing.... Often I write my post to the lurking readers too....

Yes, your children may in fact have problems or go to school with other children who have even bigger problems....but, your children have had you as the parent their whole lives....My BIOS had problems too but, we had a history together and they trusted me--I could lose my temper with them and not fear the consequences.....

My bio daughter was 18 when her 5 year old sister moved in.....and our five year old came with a relatively 'clean' background as far as we knew---My bio daughter left for college 6-MOS later with a contributing factor being the amount of attention and chaos our home was after the little ones were placed. She had the option to move on.....and not deal with the deep and long issues our family has had to deal with.

My 18 year old had a vision of how it would be to have a little sister in her life....and that vision was very different from the reality of what we found.

We have had our little girl who is now only 6 for just over a year. In this time daddy has had to deal with her touching him in the wrong way and so to has my 20 year old son! It has been painfully difficult for grown men to deal with this IN THEIR HOME. They want our daughter to be OK--but, this issue is hard for the men to deal with.

The children at school do not live in your house. They do not wake up in the middle of the night with a kitchen knife in your childs face...Families are not forced to establish unbelievable rules to protect innocent members form the children at school. If your bio daughter destroyed your sons toys you would know what to do about it--if an adoptive placement does you might end up with a black eye yourself.

I have had to have back surgery over the attack from a five year old......I have had to stay awake all night to protect her baby brother....I have had to keep my eye on a five and six year old every single moment of every single day since she came her.....We have had to go through our whole home and remove certain items--if she sees a mans underwear she gets excited! We have had to place locks on all of our kitchen cabinets in order to keep her from getting up at night and eating everything in the house....we have had to give all of our pets to safe homes....including the fish in the fish tank.

Our daughter is beautiful....she needs so much love! I just do not know how on earth I could have possible been able to deal with some of these issues had we had bio children anywhere near her age? It has taken me constant reminders to my grown children to remember she is a baby who was badly hurt---sometimes even my grown children resent the fact that the new adopted children require so much....it was HARD to tell my son we would not be able to attend his college band show because our daughter had a tantrum that started at 8 in the morning and never ended!

I know you have been educated on the things you might face....I too was educated on these things and I believed that I was the kind of parent who had proven I could do a good job even with the dramatic things that happened to my own children during their lives--but, reality is very different.

My bios were raised until they were 10 & 11 in a home with domestic violence...I thought that if I could bring them through this I could do magic with any child--my son at 9 nearly lost his left leg and had it reattached--became addicted to morphine and had a long road to recover--I thought if I could deal with that I could deal with anything....

I can deal with anything--but, I am thankful I do not have younger bios who have to deal with the every day and night issues that an emotionally upset, abused and hurt little girl has brought into our home.....

that is the only point I want to make...I am sorry if I sounded harsh....I remember feeling that some of the things said during my training or in the process of our adoption were harsh and belittled my ability--

The agency is simply going to spend some time with you in order to discover your motivations for this age range and weather or not you have a clear understanding of what this could mean..... What i have told you here was not to put you down but, to give you insight as to what the agency is thinking too and the kinds of questions you will be asked to answer---If the agency feel that your family is understanding the whole situation and able to deal with a match that may come up then I am sure you will be fine--if the agency feels you are not fully aware of the complete dynamics that you may be wanting then I am sure they will let you know their feelings....

One other word of advice I would like you to remember when you do have this meeting is that the caseworkers will not agree with any comparison you make to raising your bio children and adopting an older child....I cannot tell you how many times during my process that I was told--these children are NOT like your bio children....it really ticked me off how often any story I had to share about my mothering experience was squashed into the ground and stompt on ... So during your meeting the idea that your children may have problems and may be around other kids with problems may or may not be something the caseworkers would want to hear....

For your meeting you need to be ready for the attitude you see coming from me....even if the agency does not come right out and say what I am saying they have a lot of experience and their job is to identify a good home for the children they need to place not a good child for the home that want a child to be placed....