[HappyMomAnna]

Well truthfully I can understand the concren for placing a girl the same age as your oldest daughter! The first and most important issue here is that the agency does NOT want to see the placement for adoption FAIL. It is too hard on the children to experience a failed placement and compounds the issues these older children have to overcome. The only concern of the agency is the success of the child they place with you.

Having said this please take some time and read the threads here under special needs and older child placements....read the archievs as well.

Do you want your biological daughter to be exposed to another little girl who has been sexually abused? Who might clmb out the window at night to meet boys--or who might have them cralw through the window into your home?

Do you want your daughter to have a sister who stands in your kitchen and screams how much she hates you--or who trashes your home because she has attachment issues--and cannot cope with the love you want to offer?

Do you want your sons to be molested? Or exposed to a girl who may show them things about life you would rather wait for them to learn?

Adopting an older child is often NOT a matter of them coming into your home and being so happy to have a wonderful family who loves them.....it is often a hard and long emotional journey. Do not fool yourself into thinking that ANYONE will be able to tell you that a 12 year old girl has not been sexually abused--or does not have deep emotional issues....

What will you do with your newly placed daughter if you discover she has shown your daughter how to smoke pot? What will you do if your adopted daughter hurts your bio daughter---cuts up all her clothes or bites her or harms her is some way?

What will you do if the new daughter abuses you in front of your bio children--scratche you or attacks you? What if your family needs to install room alarms in order to be sure the new child doesn't get up in the middle of the night and slash all the toys in the house?

Most families would send the newly adopted child away! This cannot happen to these older children....saying that our family will love a child to the point that child would not hurt anyone else is naive.

Besides often these children from Foster care NEED to be the only children--Often the agencies ask the older children if they WANT other siblings? Most of the time older children either want to be an only child or the youngest child.....

It is true and we have all heard the great stories of an older child entering a new family with NO porblems--so happy to have a mom and dad and siblings that the whole world is singing--but, it is sadly more true that an older child placed into a new home will come with angry and rage and test the family so hard and for so long that it is more then the family can handle....

Your daughter believes she will have a new best friend and wants a sister.....she may find the worst enemy of her life! She may be the target she may become so hurt that this could end up causing your child more harm then you could even imagine....

The agencies are not placing a child in your hame for your needs they are placing the children for the needs of the child....The agency sees that your desire is to provide a playmate for your daughter---and you could be in for a most horrible eye opening experience....the child you are asking for may have seen more in her 12 years of life then you have even imagined!