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I can so relate to what you are saying. My son was born in Dec 85. Open apoption was not even a thing I had heard of. I look at the post on the forums and I am just amazed. Someone (lots of someones obviously) was allowed to see into their childs life after placing. Oh how I dreamed of seeing him. Wondered how he was, how his amom dealt with his first booboo. So many questions that might have been answered.
But on the other hand, as much as I longed to hold him in my arms, how would it have hurt to see him run to another woman and call her Mommy? I think it is a double edged sword. You hurt either way you go.
I have just started putting my information into the search for him as he just turned 18. I see how all of these girls are just entering the stages that were so long ago for me but every detail is still with me. I try to give an encouraging word where I feel it might help, let someone know that it will get better, but never go away.
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