I completely understand what you are going through. I can give you an opinion from both sides as I am both an adoptee and a birthmother. I gave up my daughter 7 years ago in April...I quit having contact with her father when I was 2 weeks pregnant and it was then that I first considered adoption. I went through all the feelings that you are having, about wanting what was best for her and knowing that I couldn't provide the kind of home and life that she needed and deserved. I was sure about my decision until I first felt her move and kick, and then I lost my resolve to give her up. It's difficult knowing that there is a life that you created and that is a part of you growing inside, and then you think that maybe you could take care of that child after all, that there are ways to handle things financially and physically and emotionally.
But you have to be strong and think of what
really is the best decision for your baby. And it's the hardest decision you will ever have to make. You have to choose between what you want and think you can provide for that child, and all that the family you chose can offer your baby. I had an open adoption with my child, and it is wonderful. They send me letters and pictures and from those I can see that what she has now is so much better than what she would have had with me then if I had kept her. They honestly love her, and provide much more than necessary to keep her happy and cared for. Just think, these people who adopt children want these babies so much - and really there are very few adoptive parents who aren't good to their children.
I wish there was just one sentence I could say that would answer all of your concerns and make you feel great about either way that you decide. But there isn't one. I do know that I can be here for you, and help you with anything that I can. Being pregnant is such and emotional thing, and when the chips seem to be down it can really cloud your judgement. The way I look at my situation is that my daughter wasn't really ever meant to be mine, I think that God placed her with me to teach me what he wanted me to know, and for me to give her to her adoptive parents. I think she was always meant to be for them. But I learned a lot along the way, and I know deep down that she's where she's meant to be.
If you have doubts about the parents you picked out, then maybe you should look for someone else. Talk with them, and ask them why they want to adopt your baby, and ask them how they plan to raise him or her. Have someone you trust go with you to talk to them, and see what that person thinks about them. But trust your gut instinct, and trust in the fact that if you do give your baby up, you will be okay, and it will be because you love that child with the deepest love. Let me know how you are.. I'm here. A. Bethke
davidbethke@pvtnetworks.net