ConnieB--sorry we all got off track there! I think several of us are a little surprised at the situation you faced--and having a hard time dealing with the emotions you must have felt along with how the children must feel as well.
dadfor2 is 100% correct in how simple it can be for the selection of your family or another. We were told several reasons why we were selected and some of them were things we never would have thought about
: Birthmom is a musician and we have a piano. Birthmom seemed to have bi-polar (unconfirmed due to refusal to go in for evals) but, my father is bi-polar therefore we 'knew' something about it--and if the child became that way would understand to get help.
Our adoptive daughter wanted a big sister (no one said how big and 18 was what she got)
I know one family who was selected because the child wanted to live by the water and they had a house on the river.
I know that the older the children the more likely it is for them to make requests of the family and ask for certain things. We had to put up a swing set in the middle of December before we could go get our children.
As for the little girl at the BBQ in a white dress---Come on people if we are going to parade them around then lets try to do so with some level of respect for the child....haven't we all showed up to an event at one time in our lives dressed wrong? Someone should have really though about that before she went.....
Willowhawk--it just proves my point! We can fall in love with our children very fast and easy! I am so glad to hear success from one of these events. They are not legal in Oregon but I hear about them in Washington State.
I think these events could be great for the older children after all I think they have a right to feel good about the move too....
So ConnieB--I am still wondering were these sibling you met older? To me this could be the only reason one family after another met with them....that would be so hard on a young child! I can hear my little girl sayin, "I should have picked that other mom and dad I met that day--you are mean!"
Keep the faith here--and if this really is how your state handles it I guess you need to get some heart armor on everytime you go to a meeting and not get too excited. Many families are matched and matched and go though the process over and over before they are selected and there is nothing magic about the whole thing it can be any little thing on earth! This is where I say--tell your worker EVERYTHING about ANYTHING because it can all matter at the point of selection--really!