[LegallyKim]

Charisa,

You just described my situation almost exactly. I often wondered why my parents never sought counseling for me. For my parents and my grandparents and my older brother, their plan was to "forget it and go on". They all expected me to do the same. I don't fault them for that - there is no way they could know what being a birthparent is like, and that it was impossible for me to "forget it and go on". Its been nearly 16 years since my son was placed for adoption - I have a hard time saying I placed him because the decision was not mine. His adoptive mom contacted me a few months ago and all those old feelings came rushing, and I do mean RUSHING back at me. My dad has since passed on, but I sat down with my Mom and talked to her about it. I understand that she and my Dad were doing what they thought was best for me and she now understands that they did not do what was best for me. She also understands that I forgive her and my father and I include her in my reunion developments as they happen. Maybe you could sit down with your parents and explain to them how you feel and how you have always felt. I felt SO MUCH better after having that talk with my Mom.

I have also learned through my experiences that people should not give advice about something they have not been through, and we should also take such well-meant advice with a grain of salt (and a shot of vodka if necessary). Those who have not walked in a birthmother's shoes have no clue - and therefore no basis to be giving advice.

Kim