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Let me just say that I have BEEN in the position of making the contact with my birthparents. (They haven't spoken to each other in almost 40 years - since before I was born!) I made separate contact with each of them via letter. In each case, I made it clear from the get-go that all I asked was to meet them ONE TIME, and get my relevant medical history and family background. I went on to assure each of them that at NO TIME would I ever attempt to contact any other family member without their consent. I also went on to assure them that I would be willing to accept as much or as little of a relationship as they would desire after an initial meeting.
What's more I had every intention - and still do - of standing by my promises. While I felt that I had the right to make the initial contact and request information - my "birthright" so to speak - I never presumed that I had the right to interfere with their lives in any way. They made their decisions 40 years ago and I respected that.
So please understand that I am not just sitting in judgement on others without having been in the exact same position myself. I KNOW I did the right thing. Not having met my birthfamily until I was 39 years old, I had plenty of time in my life to know myself and know why I was searching. I was never looking for a "family". I was seeking information about ME, for my own peace of mind. The relationships that I have enjoyed since my reunion are icing on the cake for which I am very grateful. But I totally followed their lead and let them accept me or not as they chose. I think each adoptee in search has to understand that there are no guarantees of any relationships and be able to make peace with whatever information they are able to find in their search for their roots. Sonata
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