[FatBirdy]

1998...that has been a long, long time. I think we can all assume that since she hasn't told in the past 6 years she won't be doing it any time soon. I was and still am in a similar situation. My bmom refused to tell anyone about me...but still wanted constant contact with me. I was finally able to get her to tell my sibs about me this past Christmas! They are great and we email a couple of times a week. I told bmom that once all my sibs were adults that this was no longer her decison to make and that if she wanted me to remain in her life she better tell them...becasue keeping me a secret was making me feel terrible among other things. Bmom and I fought about this issue for at least 7 or 8 months and in total we were in a runion for close to 2 years when she finally told. Perhaps your husband could tell her that this is simply too painful, for her to keep calling and telling him that she is going to tell - and then not. He should tell her that he can't stand the constant let down and if she is not going to 'air' this, frankly, WONDERFUL news then he is going to have to think about serioulsy scaling back contact. Do you guys and bmom live close to each other? Have you met?

SO now that my bmom has told the kids - she has told them to keep this a secret and is refusing to tell another sole in her family...uhhhhh. So I have emailed with bsibs but since bmom refuses to tell anyone else in the extended family I am never invited to family holidays such as Christmas and Easter...I am still her shameful secret. And i am mad that I am not invited to spend any time with my bsibs on hoidays....so when exactly are we going to develop a relationship??? I have told bmom that I am sick of her secrets that make me feel degrated and second best. Anyway, we at another brick wall and I think that I am going to have to tell bmom that unless she opens up her arms to me I am going to have to walk away. This relationship is making me sad all of the time and I can't risk any more self worth on her. If what she says is true - that he family knowing about me will bring huge issues and problems - then I don't want to be involved with her or them. Perhaps it's time for a bold move like this with your bmom??

So, just as I am trying to do with my bmom - I would demand the respect that you deserve. My goodness, you have done more than your fair share by waiting 6 years...that's crazy. Time for bmom to step up to the plate. She needs some serious pressure....and if she still doesn;t tell.....then he should just go ahead and contact...but be aware this may forever sever ties with bmom. Good luck!!!